Making a Move

rosy lights
cranberry drink
smoke, haze
gestures measured
conversations contemplated
rehearsed
perfected perhaps
in an attempt
to reach authenticity
and connect with another
who’s just as afraid as you are

Smells Like Christmas Spirit

I'm not a big Christmas fan. Between figuring out a shopping list and budget that doesn't kill me, and negotiating how my family will spend the day (what with the drama involved in the rubber match between my divorced parents), I really don't look forward to it.

This year though, I summoned enough Christmas spirit to have a happy gathering of my family at my apartment. I helped with food preparation, decorations, gift exchange, family activities, etc. I think that merits my consideration for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize...

I would like to take this opportunity to bitch about this Christmas tradition called "the obligatory bank-breaking gift-giving". I don't mind receiving gifts as long as the giver has no expectation of being given a gift. If you really feel that strongly about giving something to me, then it must come out of your generosity and not expectations of some return.



I think I see the ghost of Christmas present calling out to me...

Empathy

Etymology: Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathEs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion -- more at PATHOS

1 : the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this


---------------------------

I was told that I was incapable of empathy. The good thing is I still have consciousness. So there's still hope for the flowers. The implication of this though is likening me to being numb or dead. While I beg to differ, the above definition though speaks of the factor of "another" who determines or co-determines if one has empathy or not.

The above definition is courtesy of Merriam Webster dictionary. I hope you learned a new word, insight, or experience today.

The Blog Hole

I was musing about how I haven't blogged in over a week when something popped into my head. I thought I came upon a good concept/sound bite. BLOG HOLE. The final resting place of blogs. Or where blogs give birth. Where blogs converge. Where blogs disappear (particularly when they need to).

I googled it and found a site with such name, complete with illustration. Great thinking. But even if I wasn't the first one to have thought of said terminology, I think I can still pat myself in the back for a creative thought.

Uh-oh. I think I just got sucked into the blog hole.

Open Air

This past thanksgiving was probably the best one yet to my recollection. Not that I'm big on Thanksgiving and most other holidays.

Had lunch with my family at Iberia, a great Portuguese restaurant in Newark, where we had lobster and Rodizio, an absolute meat fest. Had dinner with Rolando's family, with his mom and niece Rizalina visiting from Florida. Of course, partied almost the entire weekend with friends.

I particularly enjoyed seeing on Friday night our friend Ginny who is on a break from Georgetown. We lived on the edge, having dinner at Garlic Rose, and conversing about her trip to Afghanistan, politics, the election, and the farce that we call Bush and his administration. Our crew (myself, Rolando, Julman, and Cheryl) then headed to Open Air, a lounge bar in St. Marks.

Now for those who know me, they know I love to dance. Here's a poem in the making.


in open air
rhythm is the lifeblood
that courses in our veins
conversations
are spoken through movements
of grace, love, and joy
night is day is night
light and dark bear no meaning
as a singular body
a pair or a collective
harmony exists
in the freedom of expression
of being for yourself
or being for another
devoid of judgement and fear
and living occurs in the moment
when the music connects with your soul

California Trip 2004

Rolando and I had our honeymoon from late September to early October in California. Don't worry, we don't have pictures of the honeymoon... =)

We spent our first week at La Costa Resort & Spa in Carlsbad. Hmmm... Anyway, here are a few pictures from the rest of the trip. The Pisay Reunion.



At the "World Cafe" in Santa Monica. L-R: Regie, Rolando, Jay, Me, and Ezra. Party people in the house!

California Trip 2004

So this one's a bit outside of California. This is at a restaurant in Tempe, AZ (Mel's town). L-R: Me, Monette, Mel, Josh (the new bf), and Rolando. =)

California Trip 2004

Still in Arizona. It's at the "Dueling Piano", where two piano players take song requests from drunks, err, I mean paying customers. I wonder how much Monette and Mel paid to have us dance on stage ...

Cute Felines

As I was heading to the bus stop the other day, I noticed from a distance a cat gingerly standing on a narrow window ledge outside of someone's home. This white cat, with orange and black spots, was pawing the window.

I don't know why, but I turned to look as I was walking past the cat, and I saw that there was another spotted cat standing on the other side of the window also scratching the glass...

Well, I just thought that was cute.

Inspiration

This is from George Bernard Shaw's "Man and Superman". This was the first reading in my wedding...

-----------------

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.

Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch, which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

The Silver Lining

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

SAD SAD DAY

It's sounding like the REM song. IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

Bush. Illegal War. Iraq. NO WMD's. No Saddam links to Al Qeda. Over $400B in budget deficit. Over $120B spent on this illegal wear. Loss of respect of international community. Add to this a littany of what went wrong with this Presidency and this country. Economy and Jobs. Environment. Human and Civil Rights. Health. Education...

And apparently, this country reelected this *&^%(#)$% for his "values".

Do you feel fine?

This is like Battered Woman's Syndrome applied to an entire nation. Beat up the constituency with deplorable actions and policies and consequences of such. But tell them afterwards how much you want them, need them, and want to give the world to them. Proceed with another beating. Now you have an entire nation of subdued constituency who are willing to take all this crap and thinking it's actually good for them ...

I don't think the Vulcans are coming to save us, so better do something to get out of this vicious cycle ...

Sports, Politics & Superstition

So the Red Sox won the World Series. The curse supposedly broken. There are many things that will remain the same. The Yankees will still be an extraordinary ball club. Yankee fans despise Sox. Sox fans despise Yankees. All is well.

There is some superstitious talk going on as to why the curse is broken. And that is to herald the victory of John Kerry as President of the United States of America. The universe understands that this is a monumental event. The cosmos needed to realign to send a clear message that one great feat deserves another. Broken curse for a brave new world. Not a bad trade.

You can always cast a new curse...

The Other Side of Distrust and Generosity

I have always been wary of total strangers, particularly men, trying to talk me while on the bus, subway, or just about anywhere.

Yesterday, I sat next to a Filipino man inside a bus. In a few minutes, he started asking me my name, what town I came from, my age, my work, my marital status, etc. I'm not quite inclined to really speak to him or get to know him, so I just sort of let him go on his inquistion. I haven't quite mastered the art of polite rejection, or even the art of impolite rejection. At the end of his barrage of questions, he said, "'kala ko dalaga ka pa." (I thought you are still single.)

Was I being too generous to this man? This is not the first, nor will it be the last time that this will happen. It doesn't even matter if you are wearing a ring with a big rock on it! I was annoyed at the end of this exchange, to say the least. I think unless you have clearly established and discerned some level of relatedness (i.e. You know or sense that I'm actually interested in talking to you...), you shouldn't even try to carry a conversation. Sorry!

Today, while I was waiting for the bus (again), I saw one of my Filipino neighbors. It's a woman this time. She's always been fond of Rolando, but in a creepy way. I had the misfortune of not getting the bus before she got to me. She began to ask me questions as to whether I was pregnant, and why not, and was I on the pill, or was I taking some injections, or was I having or had an abortion... I was answering with abrupt answers (mostly NO) to her baseless, senseless questions. I've had this suspicion for some time now that she is not quite right up in her head. That doesn't really make me feel any better.

Even with good intentions, I think there is a healthy cautiousness that you can maintain when engaging strangers or even people you know ...

Between Generosity and Distrust

When Rolando and I were in San Diego, I had the good fortune of being the recipient of generosity. We were going in to the San Diego Zoo when a woman approached us and asked if we were going ... to the Zoo.

My immediate reaction to this was distrust and suspicion. We were obviously in line to buy tickets. Anyway, we replied yes to her query, waiting for her to suggest to us that we should just buy her "extra" ticket in lieu of purchasing one from the box office. To our surprise, she said that she has an extra pass that she didn't need and wanted to see if one of us wanted to go with her. Since I was so surprised by this offer, Roland had the presence of mind to volunteer me to go in with this woman and her two grandchildren.

Up until the gate, I was bracing myself for some "scam" to befall me, but I passed through the turn stiles unscathed. And even after that, I was still waiting for something to happen, but all that came next was a good-natured, "Have a nice day", from this woman. To this I sputtered, "Thanks!"

Hmmm... How about them apples ...

The Longest Ball Game

Yup. The Yankees-Boston game that ended just a few hours ago. Why do the Yankees even toy with the Red Sox? Why let them back in the game? It will just be pure torture when the curse continues to live and shows its face tomorrow (or rather later today, since it's past midnight already).

I can't tell who sucks more. Manny Ramirez's defense or everything about Tony Clark. Well, the Yankees won't have either of them next season ...

GO YANKEES!!!!

Sumi Retreat

This past weekend, Sumisibol, the non-profit org where my husband is current Exec. Director, had a retreat with Board and staff.

What can I say? It was useful. It was tiring and irritating. It was rejuvenating. It was hard work. It was long overdue. It was important.

We rewrote the mission. Identified core values. Adopted work norms. Diagnosed various aspects of the group. Established some basic goals and immediate actions we need to take.

Big dreams require extraordinary commitment and work. That's for sure.

Skin Care. Self Care.

So the therapist who gave our facial recommended I wash my face and moisturize once in the morning and once in the evening. Sounds reasonable.

It seems to be working. Lately I've been feeling I have not been taking care of myself. Something, as simple as wash your face and moisturize twice a day, I wasn't doing. And of course I look like hell. Okay, may be not hell.

I'm just going to go through every aspect of my health and wellness until I get a healthy practice going that's as natural as breathing.

A Day in the Spa

I figured I would share about our vacation before all this commotion with the election sweeps me away...

A week at La Costa Resort & Spa in Carlsbad, CA.

My thoughts about spas is that some spa treatments should be part of healthcare coverage. hehehe.

Rolando and I had the Harmony Journey for two where we had our own suite, with 2 massage therapists giving our treatments simultaneously, scrumptious food, jacuzzi, yada yada yada. You get the picture. The massages were wonderful! So, I do think massages are necessary for good health. With all the rat race that's going on, people need to slow down, destress, clear our minds, relax, and simply enjoy.

(Of course we have to figure how much to tax people if we were to put massage therapy on basic health care coverage... See, politics is a part of life. Embrace and talk about it!)

We also had the shiatzu massage and a facial. Rolando and I luuuvvvvv facials. And Rolando really really loves facials. =)

We enjoyed many other things. The sun and warmth. The lazy pace of days. The food. The dungeness crab I devoured at a nearby seafod restaurant. =) Our time together! =D

Something that comes to mind about vacations is that it does not have to be a trip away from reality!

During one of our expensive lunches, I looked around wondering if people here are in touch with the rest of the world, and pondered why experiences such as this are limited to the rich or to the middle class who can charge their vacations to their credit cards...

My musings usually take an interesting turn...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUBBY!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my amazing husband Rolando!

I am so blessed, the world is so blessed, to have such an extraordinary and caring person like YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! =)

Other greetings ...

Happy Anniversary Monette!
Congratulations to the Yankees and all fans for the inevitable World Series Win!
Long live John Kerry, our future President, and long live democracy!

New York is Electric

To add to the frenzy that is the 2004 Presidential election, the Yankees are playing against our arch nemesis Boston in the American League Playoffs. The winner between the two will go to the World Series.

Tonight was a great a night, with the Yankees starting off big. They were up 8-0, I believe until the 7th inning. It was getting a bit boring, so Boston decided to liven up the game and came within 1 run by the bottom of the 8th inning. Then the Yankees decided to stop toying with them and put in two more runs, 10-7 score at the top of the 9th inning. Enter "Sandman" Mariano Rivera and put Boston away for the first game of the AL series.

It's really much better to watch the game. I haven't learned yet how to write a play-by-play.

Tomorrow will be game two, which is going on while the third and final Presidential debate is taking place in Arizona State University. ASU is where my friend Mel is doing her PhD.

As much as I love the Yankees, I probably love my country more. So in some bar in New York City, we'll be watching Kerry unleash WMD's on Bush on national tv ... VOTE KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!

The California Road Trip

Just got back from two weeks vacation in California, actually, ending the road trip in Tempe, Arizona.

Since there are many parts to this trip to share about, I think I'll have several entries to my many musings.

An overview.

First stop was Carlsbad where we spent a week at La Costa Resort & Spa. This was the first honeymoon for me and my husband Rolando! Hmmm.... Massages, facials, jacuzzi, great food, lots of sleep...

Next stop was 2 days in San Diego, 30 minutes away from Carlsbad, where we visited our friend Chrissie. A highlight was going to a karaoke bar. The locals are interesting...

Then there's the San Jose-San Francisco leg. That's 8-9 hours of driving from SD. SJ-SF had us going around the Filipino community sites and chilling with our friends Tony and Lily. Very educational. Different. Fun! One of our stops here is at the Northside Community Center in San Jose, with a "boat" of a lunch courtesy of its E.D., Ben Menor!

Fourth stop was LA! Here we checked out my cousin Ronald and his expecting wife Louisa, and my friends Regie, Ezra and Jay. The trip to LA was about 4-5 hours from SJ. We had a great time catching up with everyone.

Then last but not the least is Tempe. Originally we were scheduled to fly back from San Diego, the first leg of our trip. The flight has a stop over in Phoenix, just 10-15 minutes from Tempe where my friend Mel lives. So we decided just to take another 5-hour road trip form LA! We were joined by another friend Monette from Tucson, which is 2 hours from Tempe. Heck, her drive is short compared to all the driving we've been doing! And of course, I should mention Mel's new beau Josh, whom she'd been parading in the past month since she decided to take the relationship out of the "down low" status.

Okay, I'm a bit tired just sharing the overview. We had lots of fun. Saw places. Experienced new things. Shared with friends. Oh yeah, and had our vacation... =)

More to come later ...

Election 2004

I can't believe summer has already come and gone. I have had a great summer, but it seems that there could have been so many more experiences that I could have had. I barely even went to the beach! And yet I also could have slowed down life, breathe, and given myself enough time to write about it, reflect on it, absorb it, and be present to it.

Summer has seen me get married, get a new job at the Mayor's office, enjoy the company of my friends and family, and encounter various opportunities to expand and learn more about myself.

Working at the Mayor's office is proving to be very consuming, with the office being up for election this November 2nd and again in May, given special circumstances. The Presidential election seems to be soul-wrenching, when it seems the fate of the nation and much of the world seems to hang in the balance of this election. There's a lot of seeming going on...

How can two opinions/positions be so irreconcilable. And how does it create so much anger and hate and emotion? This is what I see in this election. And I am an element that is at cause. And yet how can deny what I see and what I think would best serve my country? My musings here does not really make a difference. While I try to be open and hear the other side, I have long decided and passed judgment on what SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be the course of events in this country. My vote is one voice among many that validates an opinion.

I seek for what's possible ...

The Rock

Well, well. I'm finally back in the game. Literally. As I have been going through different transitions and stages of my life, I dropped and put aside some things that are important to me.

Just this past Monday, I put back in my life one of those things I had left behind. Basketball!

Okay, so I'm a little rusty. Passing to the wrong teammates. Getting the plays mixed up. But it was all fun and exhilirating. The best work out ever! My former and now once-again coach was ragging on me all night. No rest for the weary. I asked him to cut me some slack. No way he says!

I'm so thrilled to be back. Let the games begin!

judicial system 101

yesterday, i got picked to be a grand juror in the county where i live. initially, i was apprehensive about being picked. spending 1 day out of a week for 20 weeks in a court room seemed excessive in the context of what ordinary human beings go through. working. taking care of the family or home. having fun with friends. grocery shopping. doing my nails. etc. etc. and $5/day is hardly even minimum wage.

let's back track a bit. a grand juror's task is to determine if a court case has merit of being tried in court. lot's of frivolous law suits out there you know. at some point, i was hoping to be a petit juror. they are the ones who actually listen to the cases that the grand jurors give the green light to go to court.

anyhow, i started getting excited about the opportunity to be part of the judicial system and learning how it works. this is after all one of the things i said was important to me when i became a citizen. the law. heaven knows how much screaming i do when a motorist forgets to signal when he switches lane. how much more with ensuring that people's rights are protected.

i thought this would be a good source of writing material. but i have an oath to secrecy. maybe i'll vaguely, remotely, allude to things... i will uphold my oath! =)

peace!

television

if i were rich enough to actually do anything, would i just stay home and watch tv and munch on every treat that i could get my hands on? hmmm....

nah. i suppose i would criss-cross the globe and watch tv's from hotels and homes all over. hmmm...

nah. i suppose i would do more than that.

i'm just bored today for no good reason.

Fourth of July

Fourth of July bears a new significance for me now.

Before, it was the independence day of the Philippines, my birth country. Independence from America. Now, as an American, it is independence from Britain. (or England)

I could possibly spend more time agonizing as to where my allegiance lies, or what the past means, but I won't. Independence, freedom, is a basic human right. I celebrate independence day for all free people and those who are still struggling to realize it.

hook, line, and sinker

yes. with all that time that passed by, one of the really major things that happened in my life is that i got married! sunday, may 30th, at the liberty science center. it was the most spectacular wedding ever!

it was the most gorgeous spring-summer day that you could have. the heavens smiled upon us with lots of sunshine and warmth. obstacles, there were many. (we almost named our wedding, "two funerals and a wedding"... may their souls be at peace ...) but we came through with great power and joy.

the liberty science's observatory, where the ceremony was moved to (as a result of one of the unfortunate events), was the perfect setting. high above ground, surrounded by the view of the new york skyline and the natural beauty of the state park.

everything was so perfect the way it is. the enchanting annie lenox singing "into the west" as the wedding entourage walked in and then etta jame's crooning when i walked in... "at last". every special person gathered in a semi-circle in this very intimate room. every part and word of the ceremony so very thoughtfully chosen. from the symbols in the altar, the readings, to our personal vows. everyone was moved to tears when my husband rolando gave his vows! even our rings were quite memorable and had people staring and giggling. rolando with his skull and bones, and me with my hello kitty. =) yes, we plan to replace them later.

when the officiant finally pronounced as man and wife, "beautiful day" blasted away! indeed, it was quite a beautiful day.

conversations disappear

well what do you know, i haven't been blogging. conversation about blogging disappear, and no blogs come out. if you want something, have conversations about it and having it become a reality.

politics and power

The word "politicking" is synonymous to power-tripping.

In a community meeting I attended yesterday, I saw my Mayor doing his "politicking". In response to a constituent complaint(s), he ordered the appropriate department head to resolve the issue by the next day, criticized the council person representing the constituent for "not" doing their job (without having any prior knowledge of what the council person has actually done), then pat himself in the back. This is not my idea of taking leadership and responsibility.

Context is decisive. When the Mayor's context of helping a constituent became blurry and got "politicking" involved, well it became very apparent.

I wish that the Mayor would "politic" 365 days a year so that all constituent concerns will be solved by the next day.

Mayor I forgive you but don't make a habit of it. As human beings, we all make mistakes. We are thrown to making ourselves look good and making others wrong. My request is that you take out the "politicking" out from your agenda and simply be of service to your constituents.

As you can see, I have a love/hate relationship with politics. You will see this more in future blogs...

let there be blog

hello world:

what is the fascination with this blog? i consider myself "in" with the times, someone who knows how to use technology. yet i've never really had an urge to keep an online journal. until the howard dean revolution. =)

i suppose this is what's next in the evolution of communications. (well, mine at least.) one more way to express myself. and have others listen, and even create a conversation if it so calls to them.

welcome to my blog.